


A Game of Hot Potato

by Tastefulcucumber



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Family Shenanigans, Gen, Harry Potter Next Generation, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Implied Scorbus, One Shot, love letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tastefulcucumber/pseuds/Tastefulcucumber
Summary: Hermione hosts an important dinner party for the department heads of the Ministry. During the party, Rose writes a phony love letter to prank her cousin James. Due to miscommunication, the letter ends up in the hands of practically everybody except for James.Based on the best Full House Episode: S4 E11.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	A Game of Hot Potato

The Granger-Weasley house was full and lively. The adults chatted in the back garden and the older children played upstairs. Ron was entertaining his niece, Lily, and his son, Hugo, in the kitchen. 

Lily took out two creme-filled cookies from the cookie jar on the countertop. She twisted them apart, and Hugo took his finger to remove the creme from the middle of the cookies. Lily munched on the now creme-less cookies while Hugo enjoyed the centers. 

"You two seem to have a system all worked out, don't you?" Asked Ron, watching the kids in amusement. 

"Hugo doesn't like the cookie part! So he takes the creme and I take the cookie!" Lily explained proudly. Hugo nodded and hummed in agreement, his mouth full. 

Hugo wiped his hands off on his shirt. If Hermione was there, Ron may have told him to use a towel instead. Hermione, fortunately, was off chatting with her Ministry co-workers out in the backyard. Ron let his son's actions slide.

"Ew!" Lily shouted, and Ron looked over to see her take two slightly wet cookie halves out of the cookie jar. "Did you lick these and put the cookie back?" She asked her cousin, holding up the half-eaten cookie.

"I was saving it for you!" Hugo said defensively. Lily mouthed, "Oh!," and then placed both of the damp cookies into her mouth.

Ron scrunched up his face in disgust at the twelve-year-olds. "Don't leave half-eaten cookies in the jar, little man." He told his son. "Alright, I'm going to go find your dad," Ron told Lily, then he ruffled Lily's hair and left for the backyard. He had enough of the kids and went to join the adults instead.

The doorbell rang, and Harry hurried through the house to answer it as both Ron and Hermione were in the back garden with the rest of the adults. He pulled the front door open to reveal a dapper Draco and his poshly dressed son. 

"Right on time, Malfoy. Come in, come in. Everyone's outback." Harry said unenthusiastically. Harry closed the door behind them. Held in Draco's hands was a large bowl.

"I brought pasta salad. It was Astoria's mother's recipe," said Draco. 

"Go ahead and put it in the fridge. We are just waiting on Cormac."

"Cormac? And what purpose would the Minster need to chaffer with the Department Head of Magical Sports and Games?"

"Even if you find some departments better than others, Malfoy, doesn't mean that they are not as equally important." Snapped Harry. "Besides, I believe that Hermione invited all of the department heads."

"Hello, Mr. Potter! It is a wonderful home you have. Or, I mean, your brother has. I mean-" Scorpius shouted rather excitedly. The newest Malfoy always found words hard to come by — even more so when it came to his speaking with his best friend's family (especially when the said family was made up of high-ranking government officials).

"I'll pass on the message. Al and James are upstairs if you want to join them." Harry replied kindly. Scorpius thanked him awkwardly and ran upstairs to join his friend. 

Harry took secret pleasure in knowing that Malfoy's son was the complete opposite of his father. Scorpius had no strut or snobbery attached to himself. He was, in fact, quite dorky — a trait that probably was a reason he and his youngest son were such good friends. They were altogether oddballs.

A knock on the door announced the arrival of the last guest. Cormac McLaggen and his wife, a woman Harry vaguely recognized from his school days, brought a bottle of white wine for the dinner.

"Ah, Cormac, nice to see you again. How are your Quidditch reforms going? Ginny has been scathing, obviously." Harry welcomed them into his brother-in-law's home, closing the door behind them.

"It is an uphill battle, for sure. Safety has to be our number one priority, I tell Ginny this again and again. She makes my job so much more difficult, but she has always been fiery. Oh, and this is Lisa." Cormac gestured loosely towards the woman beside him. 

"Nice to see you, Harry.” The woman, Lisa, said. She held out her hand and Harry took it. “It's been a long time, although you may not remember me. I was in your year, in Ravenclaw?"

"Oh of course I remember, Lisa," Harry replied, remembering her face but not her name. "Didn't you play Beater at Hogwarts at all?"

The doorbell rang once again, but before Harry could answer the door again, his oldest son, James, flew down the staircase and ran quickly to the front door spattering, "Don't get it! I've got it! I've got it!" Scorpius and Rose followed close after, watching him in amusement.

"Whoa, what's wrong, James?" asked Harry.

"It's that muggle paper-girl," Rose explained. "James about fell out of my window when he saw her coming up the street." Rose smiled nastily. 

James ignored Rose's condescending tone and turned to Scorpius. "How do I look?" 

"Hungry for love," said Scorpius with a grin.

"Excellent." James opened the door.

At the door was a muggle teenager around sixteen years old holding a backpack stuffed with plastic-wrapped papers

"Hi. Hey. All right, Janet?" said James happily.

"Hey! Visiting the cousins? Is Mrs. GW here?" Asked the paper-girl. 

Harry stepped in front of his son. "Hermione's entertaining right now, what can I help you with?" Harry asked.

“I'm here to collect for the paper. Three quid, 50p." Said the paper-girl. Harry checked his wallet and pulled out a ten-pound note. 

"All I’ve got is a ten," Harry said, loosely gesturing with the note in his hand. Janet took the note from him.

"I haven't got any change. I'll come back after I do my round, then."

"Alright," said Harry.

"I'll see you later, James. I'll message you when I'm on my way back, okay?" Janet addressed James.

"Oh, yeah, alright. I'll be here! I'll see you then. Bye-bye!" James floundered and shut the door. "Bye-bye? I'm such a girl!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Muggle-Newspaper-Girl! Ha!" Rose teased.

"Oh shove-off, Rose. Don't you have a puppy to kick?" James responded, a bit upset. Rose cackled and ran upstairs.

"I think it's sweet," Scorpius said to Harry and James. James scowled. 

Upstairs in her bedroom, Rose had got onto her laptop and started typing. Lily poked her head in.

"What are you doing?" She asked as the printer under her desk started whirling. 

"Oh, I am printing off something for your brother. Hey, would you give this to him? You can't tell him it's from me though." Rose said as she folded the paper into fourths.

"What is it?" Lily questioned. 

"Um, maths equations," Rose answered fast. Lily didn't seem to think it shady, and she took the letter and exited the room. After she left, Rose laughed nastily. _James is such a prat,_ she thought to herself.

Down the stairs in the kitchen, Lily found one of her brothers.

"Hey Al, I was told to give you this." She handed it to her brother and began to walk away.

"Who gave you it?" Al asked, opening the letter.

"Can't tell you," Lily responded. She went outside to join the adults.

Albus opened the letter, curious.

_I love you in secret, and that is why I am writing you this note. Whenever I see you, the air leaves my chest and my heart begs for you. Any longer in secret, and I may just die. I cannot go on like this any longer._

_Love,_

_Your Hopeful Sweetheart_

Footsteps and the sound of his mother's loud voice, arguing, came through the living room, and just as the kitchen door swung open, Albus quickly stuffed the note in a small book resting on the counter next to him. He ran out of the room before his mum could see how red his face had felt. 

"Automatic cushioning charms in the handles would put the whole broomstick off-balance, Cormac!" Ginny shouted heatedly to Cormac McLaggin who followed close behind her to the kitchen. 

"Oh please Ginny, here, I have a whole book on broomstick charms, just give it a read. Now where did I put-," Cormac picked up the small book on the countertop and handed it to Ginny. 

"Here. Read this. Open every page. Then you may finally understand why you are being so unreasonable!" 

Ginny was about to begin shouting at him once again, but Cormac waved her off and went out to the backyard. Ginny reluctantly opened the book, and a note fell out onto the ground. She picked it up and read it. Her face grew white, and she couldn't believe what she was reading. Was Cormac really in love with her? Didn't he have a wife? Didn't he have any respect for Harry? Ginny was ready to rage at him — but then thought better of it. She worked closely with Cormac. He was the head of the Magical Sports and Games Department, and she was the Chief Sports Editor of the Daily Prophet. She couldn't expose him in front of the heads of all the other departments; at least not at Hermione’s important Dinner. She had to play it cool.

"Oh, there you are, Gin." Harry had snuck up behind her, and she quickly stuffed the note into some files on her brother's dining table.

"Harry, love. Hello. Hi." Ginny spoke fast and clumsily, but Harry didn't seem to notice her strange tone.

"Ron needs to see you. Something about the salmon?" said Harry.

"Oh, yes, well, I can't keep such an important matter as salmon waiting, can I? Okay. Well. I'll be right back. I love you. I love you, Harry!" Ginny ran out to the backyard before Harry could question her.

As she opened the door, she ran into Hermione. "Oh, excuse me, Hermione. Salmon is calling me." 

Ginny quickly left the room, and Hermione stared after her. "That was strange." Hermione pointed out. Harry just shrugged. 

"What was strange? Oh, and I have these case files from yesterday for you. You left a bit early, so I thought I would just bring them by today."

"Oh, alright. Thank you." Hermione grabbed the files off of the dining room table. "You should go check on Ginny, she seems a bit cagey." 

"Does she? I'll go check on her." Harry nodded in appreciation and followed his wife out to the back garden.

Hermione quickly flipped through the files, quickly checking to see what Harry had found about the most recent case he was working on until she came across a crudely typed note in the stack of papers. As she read it, her eyes grew wide. Was this letter from Harry? Did he mean to give this to Hermione? Well, why else would he have put it in a stack of files he knew only Hermione would take a look at? It was risky for Harry to even write something like that down. Ron would kill him if he saw this; and what about Ginny? 

She went upstairs with the files under her arm and the letter in her hand. She had to hide it from Ron somehow. Once she arrived at the top of the stairs, Hugo's bedroom door swung open, and out of panic, Hermione shoved the note into a messenger bag that hung from a post on the staircase railing. 

"Hi, Honey! Are you having fun?" Hermione asked her son nervously. Hugo replied with a hum of approval. "Oh, good. Um, excuse me. I just need to put these files in my office."

"Okay?" Hugo questioned. Hermione quickly went into her office and shut the door tight. Hugo grabbed the messenger bag off of the post and brought it back to his room where Scorpius was sitting at his desk chair and Lily sat on his bed.

"Thanks," Scorpius said as he retrieved his bag. He started digging around in it. "So, anyway, I really wanted to show you this Chocolate frog card I got the other day." 

Scorpius pulled out a note from his bag. He opened it up and read out loud, "I love-," Scorpius put his hand over his mouth, and clutched the note harder. 

Who had put this in his bag? Any longer in secret? Did — Did Albus write this? Or perhaps Rose? He didn't think Rose would ever be stealthy enough to slip him a note: it wasn't very Gryffindor of her. Albus on the other hand…

"Hey, that's the paper Rose printed off!" Lily exclaimed, and she pointed at the letter in Scorpius's hand.

"Rose? Did she write this, then?" Scorpius asked. His blood pressure was rising quickly. 

"Yes! Why? What does it say?" Lily questioned, noticing how red Scorpius was getting.

"Nothing! School stuff." Scorpius started fidgeting nervously. "Listen, I've got to, um, use the loo. Be right back," and he ran quickly from the room, taking the note with him. He needed a place to think about this. After all of Scorpius's advances, why would Rose not tell him that she fancied him? Scorpius had asked her out just last fall after the time-turner fiasco. It just didn't make any sense! 

Scorpius ended up going downstairs and into the living room, which was thankfully empty. He fiddled with the note, thinking. 

"Scorpius?" Draco called from the other room. Scorpius quickly folded the note and placed it on the table, just as Draco walked in. "We are going to eat soon. Come join me in the garden? I am tired of being alone with all of these fuddy-duddy government workers." Draco joked.

Scorpius smiled and followed his dad out of the room. Ron came into the living room shortly after. He noticed the note sitting on his coffee table, and picked it up. 

As he read the letter, he first was confused. Who was writing a love letter to someone? Then he started remembering how strange Hermione was acting, and was suddenly enraged. Did someone write his wife a love letter? He was going to kill whoever wrote this letter with his own two hands! He would have to keep a close eye out on who Hermione was with today. Ron stuffed the note in Hermione's jacket on the nearby coat rack to hide it from the rest of his family and the Ministry department heads.

Ron went to the kitchen to find Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Cormac, Rose, and Scorpius Malfoy setting up for the dinner. Ron watched carefully as Harry touched Hermione's back as he moved past her. Hermione tensed up. 

Ron's ears went red. So it was Harry who had given his wife a love note. That backstabbing, attention-seeking —

"Hermione, may I just say how lovely this pie turned out. You truly know how to make a work of art," said Cormac, who was setting a fruit pie in the middle of the table.

So it was Cormac who wrote his wife the letter. Of course it would be that two-timing womanizing —

"Oh, Hermione is a lovely baker. You should try her bread-pudding one of these days. It's amazing." said Harry.

Okay, it could still be Harry; though Ron thought it was more likely for Cormac to give his wife a love letter than it was for his best friend.

"Oh, I bet. Hermione is amazing at everything she does; baking or otherwise," replied Cormac. Ron huffed. One of these men was going to be in a world of hurt: if only Ron could figure out which one was in love with his wife.

"Oh, um, Rose? You look very pretty today. In that dress. The blue brings out your- well - no. Your brown hair brings out your eyes? That doesn't make sense..." Scorpius stammered, following Rose around the kitchen as she put out the plates on the magically elongated table.

"You are such a weirdo, Scorpius. Go get me some silverware." Rose snapped at him. Scorpius stammered off to find the silverware. 

"I mean, you obviously think that in an endearing way," Scorpius replied nervously. He found a draw of silverware and started gathering forks and knives.

"No, I don't think so. I think I mean it in a 'You are a weirdo' kind of way." Rose mocked. Scorpius hummed in confusion. Was she playing hard to get?

Upstairs, Albus found his brother in Rose's room. James was looking through Rose’s muggle books in her large bookcase.

"James? I need your help." Albus asked nervously from the doorway. James looked up from the back of the book jacket he was reading in shock. 

"You do? 'Bout what, baby brother?" He tapped the spot next to him on the bed, and Albus sat next to him. 

"Someone gave me a note," said Albus gravely. James scratched his head.

"And?" James questioned.

"And it was a love note! Although I seemed to have misplaced it..."

"A love note? Who the hell would give you a love note, out of all people."

"Just, shut up, okay. I know, it's strange. Lily gave it to me but she wouldn't tell me who it’s from!"

"Well, who is the only person here that isn't a family member or a fifty-year-old?" James questioned Albus. He looked at his brother, expectantly.

"No one?" Albus answered. James slapped his head with his palm. His brother could be so dense. 

"Listen. I think it must have been Scorpius." James said softly. He watched as his brother's face went from confusion, to excitement, to completely neutral.

"Really?" Albus asked, trying to keep his voice stable.

"Who else would it have been?" said James. "Listen, maybe I'll go have a chat with your pal Scorpius. I'll figure out what's going on, okay?" James slapped his brother on the back and got up off Rose's bed.

"No! I mean, don't do that! That would be horrible! Horrible and embarrassing! Horribly embarrassing!" Albus pleaded, grabbing onto his brother's arm, trying to pull him back down. 

James shook him off. "I'll be discrete, okay? Let the master do his work."

James went outside to find Scorpius. He found him amongst some Ministry members. James watched how Scorpius was oddly interacting with the adults. Every time one would speak, Scorpius would nod his head importantly as if they were having a very serious conversation. The adults, on the other hand, were laughing joyfully and drinking beers, not explicitly noticing Scorpius’s attempts to join their conversation. 

James pulled Scorpius off to the side: physically tugging at his shoulder and pushing him away from the adults.

"Hey! I was networking!" Scorpius complained. James rolled his eyes and took him to a quiet corner of the garden. "What are you doing!"

"Hey, just shut up for a second, I need to talk to you," said James, frowning.

"What about?" Asked Scorpius. Scorpius was confused. He didn't talk to Albus's brother one-on-one very often. Something must have been wrong.

"Listen, I know you are having feelings. Feelings about love. That's natural for people our age to do." James started. Scorpius had no idea what he was on about. James continued. "Yet, I also know that this is a strange circumstance, and you need to tread a bit carefully. I mean, our families are notorious enemies, firstly. And secondly, when it isn't a girl you are in love with, well, people talk, you know? You shouldn't have to be scared though. Just be honest. Like I am! And hey, maybe this will be a good thing for two people from such different families to be in love. Well, that's all I have to say about that." James squeezed Scorpius's shoulder and walked off, leaving Scorpius alone and in shock by himself.

Oh gee, James was totally hitting on him! First Rose, and now Albus's brother? Wow, for such a geek, Scorpius never knew he was such a playboy! Oh, man! 

Hermione was at a loss: a rare occurrence. As she grabbed her coat from her coat rack and headed outside she thought about the love note. She couldn't wrap her mind around Harry being in love with her when he was so obviously in love with Ginny. She needed to talk to someone about this, but there was nowhere to turn. She could not and would not go to Ron — he would lose his mind if he found out what Harry had written her. She obviously could not go to Ginny or Harry. No. She needed an outsider. She needed someone dimwitted enough that she could describe the situation without them coming to proper conclusions.

"And then I ate the whole entire sardine tray!" shouted Cormac McLaggin, obviously in the middle of an uninteresting and probably untrue story. Wait. McLaggin. Perfect.

Hermione butted her way in the small talking circle of Ministry Heads and tapped Cormac’s shoulder. "Excuse me, Cormac, May I have a word?"

"Why of course, Minister. You may have many of my words!" Cormac smiled greatly as if he had told a stand-up comedian joke that had the audience in a frenzy. Hermione had to hold in an eye-roll.

Hermione took Cormac to the side; far enough so that no one could hear them while still being visible to the rest of the party. She fiddled with a piece of paper in her pocket. She must have put the note in there the last time she went outside today.

"Cormac," Hermione started, "I have a personal question for you. Have you ever had a friend become so close to another friend that it turns into love? Which wouldn't be so bad if one of those friends wasn’t married with children... All I am trying to say is, well, how would you approach such a scenario. For the friend, of course."

Cormac scratched his chin. "Well, It so happens that I have had my fair of affairs, and of course that has been made public, but with Lisa, the urge hasn't hit me in years. So, I guess, I would tell your friend that they should confront their other friend, and be very honest with each other." 

Hermione nodded solemnly. "Yes, I didn't want that to be the case, but I suppose you're right. I'll pass that on to my... friend..."

Hermione left to join Harry at the grill, while Cormac stood in place and watched her leave. Her friend? Oh, Hermione couldn't really believe that Cormac was that thick! Of course he could see right through her true intentions... Hermione was in love with him! Cormac perked up at the thought: the Minister of Magic in love with adept charmer Cormac McLaggin. It made complete sense!

Hermione decided she needed to confront Harry as soon as possible to set him straight. She could see he was alone at the grill cooking the salmon stakes that Ron was supposed to be watching after. She pulled the note out of her pocket and handed it to Harry, who grabbed the note in one hand while holding a grilling spatula in the other.

"We need to talk about this," Hermione said seriously. She watched as Harry's face slowly formed into shock. He must have not been expecting her to confront him at the party. Lily, who was close by, went up to her dad and her aunt to see what they were talking about.

"Hermione, I-" Harry began, keeping his eyes on the note. Then, Hermione noticed her husband heading towards them.

"Put that away, Ron's coming!" Hermione hissed. Harry folded up the note in fours and in a panic, lifted up his daughter's bucket hat and shoved the note inside.

"Go, you never heard me, you never saw me." Harry pushed his daughter away just as Ron approached.

"Hi, Ron!" Harry shouted guiltily. Ron frowned automatically. Maybe it was Harry instead of McLaggin who gave his wife that letter.

"Salmon looks done, Honey," Hermione announced. She quickly grabbed a paper plate from a nearby table and took a pair of tongs to slap a fish-steak onto the plate. "Here you are!"

Rose came up to them and grabbed her Dad's free hand. "Come on, Dad, I saved you a seat!" Rose started pulling him away from Harry and Hermione. Ron looked over his shoulder at the two, squinting his eyes in distrust.

"Alright everyone, time to eat!" Harry announced loudly to the party. Everyone lined up to get their plate of food. Soon everyone was gathered around the enchanted long dining room table that had been moved to the back garden. 

"I would like to make a toast." Hermione stood up from her place at the head of the table. Most heads turned to her, but for some partygoers, their attention was elsewhere.

As Hermione gave her speech, she carefully watched Ron and Harry. Harry was fiddling with his fork nervously while Ron was subconsciously stabbing his salmon steak over and over with his knife. She glanced around at the rest of the table and noticed Cormac ogling at her. Uh-oh.

Cormac watched Hermione lustfully, wondering what she would be like as a secret girlfriend. Well, personality-wise, Cormac thought he could do better. She was the Minister though, so she must have some fire to her: especially in the bedroom. Wait, why was Ginny staring at him like that?

Ginny starred down Cormac. Ginny couldn't believe that Cormac would give her a love letter. Well, actually, Ginny could believe it. It was the audacity of him to think of breaking up her marriage that really put Ginny in a rage. 

Harry kept replaying the note in his mind again and again. He nervously glanced toward his daughter, who still must have had the note. He hoped she hadn't opened it. He looked over at Ron across from him, and he looked to be murderous. This put Harry even more on-edge.

Ron knew that letter must have been from Harry. He looked extremely anxious. Ron looked over at McLaggin, just to be safe, but noticed him giving his wife a strange lustful stare. Okay, maybe it wasn't Harry. Maybe he needed to murder Cormac instead? He just hoped that whatever happened, his Hugo and Rosie wouldn't be impacted.

Rose listened to her mother’s speech eagerly. She loved to watch her mother in action, and hoped that she could come off as important as her mother could. Rose began to feel a tickling sensation near her hand and looked down to see that idiot friend of her cousin, Scorpius, attempting to rest his hand on top of hers. She reflexively snatched her hand off the table and punched Scorpius hard in his shoulder.

Scorpius rubbed his shoulder in pain from Rose's punch. Why would she hit him when she was in love with him? Girls were so weird sometimes. Not only girls, though. He couldn't believe James had confessed to him like how he did. It was totally out of the blue and unprecedented. Oh man, how would Albus feel if he knew what his brother had told Scorpius?

Albus sat on Scorpius's other side. He had hardly seen his friend the entire party, and that made him nervous. What the hell did James say to him? He tapped his fingers nervously on the table, and started paying attention to the end of Hermione's speech:

"With our department's unity and cooperation across party lines, we should continue to make exceptional improvements to the services we provide to the wizarding community. Thank you." Hermione smiled around at the table and sat down; getting ready to enjoy her dinner.

Lily stood up as Hermione sat down and said, "Daddy? Can I take this letter out of my hat now?"

Heads from across the table spun in Lily's direction as she tipped off her hat and retrieved the letter her father stuffed in her hat ten minutes ago. 

"Lily, where did you get that note?" Ron asked angrily, also standing up.

"Dad gave it to me, why?" Lily responded, confused of why her uncle was so angry.

" _You_ gave this letter to Hermione?" Ron accused, pointed harshly at Harry, who looked equally shocked.

"Hey, Hermione gave that letter to me!" Harry shouted back defensively.

Ron's face dropped. "What?"

"Wait, wait, Harry. You gave me this note first." Hermione reached out to Lily to grab the letter from her.

"Cormac, don't just sit there, you know you gave that letter to me!" Ginny stood up quickly, pointing her finger to Cormac.

"What letter?" Cormac exclaimed.

"That's the note Rose gave to me!" Scorpius shouted after getting a better look at the letter in Lily's hand.

"Wait a minute, wait just a minute, now." Rose stood up as well and tried to tug the note away from her cousin. Lily held it closer to her chest to keep it away from Hermione and Rose's grabbing hands.

"I got that letter from Scorpius! He's in love with me!" Albus accused, also standing. 

"Wait, I am? James, what about you?" said Scorpius, extremely confused.

"What about me?" James retorted.

"EVERYONE STOP," Harry screamed at his arguing family. "Now someone wrote that letter and they are going to tell us right now!" A shocked silence filled the air.

"Well, I know who!" said Lily.

"Who, Lily?" asked Ron urgently.

"It was Rose!" Lily announced.

"I knew it!" Scorpius threw his fist up in the air in triumph. Rose looked at him, panicked. 

"No, wait. Wait." Rose shuffled away from Scorpius and his gleeful face, disgusted. "I admit it. I did write that letter. It's not what you think, though. So, I might have made a fake love note that was supposed to be for James from the muggle paper-girl." 

"What?" asked James.

"Pretty funny, right? You can all take a joke, yeah?" Rose chuckled nervously. The table was silent for a moment.

"Get her!" Albus yelled to the family, and Rose took off running followed closely by James, Albus, Scorpius, Harry, Ginny, and Ron.

Hermione sat back down at the table, rubbing her temples. The Ministry officials laughed gleefully at the family antics as Rose dived and dashed around the back garden, her family chasing after her.

Toward the end of the mob was James, who stopped running after his cousin as he took notice of a muggle girl entering the back garden through the fence gate.

"Hey, Janet!" James said, out of breath. He attempted to casually lean on the fence. He was trying to look cool but ended up stumbling a bit.

"Hi, James," Janet replied. She looked around perplexed at the three children and two adults chasing after Rose. "What's going on?"

"Oh, that. Well. Family bonding, you know how it is." James said, smiled.

"Right. Well, I've brought back your change for the paper." Said the muggle paper-girl. 

"Oh, good, thanks." James took the change from her and stuffed it in his pocket. "Are you hungry, we have some food out on the table?"

"Oh, sure! I guess I came back at the right time."

Janet made herself a plate and James made sure to sit with her far away from the Ministry adults, just in case she were to overhear anything magical. The mob of James's family chasing after Rose passed them, and Janet giggled.

"Your family is a bit mad, aren’t they?" Janet said endearingly.

"Oh, obviously," said James, "but I wouldn't have it any other way."

**Author's Note:**

> Is this just the plot of season 4 episode 11 of Full House?  
> Yes, yes it is.  
> God, that's a funny episode.  
> I can't tell if this is Crack or not.


End file.
